Jessi.

New myspace. :)

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 02:27:08 GMT

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 02:32:08 GMT

Yeah. I know I never update this.

I'm so bored & sick of everything here that it's driving me crazy. I just wana get in my car & drive until I find somewhere that seems interesting to me. I wana go back to California w/ my sister. Or move to Boston w/ Val. I need a change. Or something. I dk. I'm going crazy. I feel like the walls are closing in.

Far Away by Nickelback.

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 22:27:27 GMT

This time, This place / Misused, Mistakes / Too long, Too late / Who was I to make you wait? / Just one chance / Just one breath / Just in case there's just one left / 'Cause you know, / you know, you know / That I love you / I have loved you all along / And I miss you / Been far away for far too long / I keep dreaming you'll be with me / and you'll never go / Stop breathing if / I don't see you anymore / On my knees, I'll ask / Last chance for one last dance / 'Cause with you, I'd withstand / All of hell to hold your hand / I'd give it all / I'd give for us / Give anything but I won't give up / 'Cause you know, / you know, you know // ♥

Ps - I'm still not over you.

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 03:53:34 GMT

I'm so upset that I can't even write an entry about it. Alavi & I just aren't doing well at all. He's one of my best friends, shouldn't we be able to resolve the silly little fight we had LAST WEEK and be okay? I really thought so, but I guess I was wrong. The whole thing started because I was too giggly for him when he wasn't in the mood to listen to Tiffany and I because one of his friends did something stupid and got expelled from school (what that has to do with me, I dk). I can see how the things I said in reply to his bitchiness could be taken as rude, but I seriously didn't mean them that way. Tiffany & I were too hyped up to even have the capabilities of being rude. So I dk, but I guess he took them wrong so that's why he's still mad. But now everytime we talk all he does is bring up old shit about how I broke his heart a long time ago and how much I can't be trusted and how he doesn't know if he wants to be with me or some shit like that. WTF how can one little fight and his friend doing something stupid change the way he feels about me like that? Now every time we talk he's just really mean to me. He hasn't had ONE nice thing to say to me in over a week now. And yes, it's really upsetting me. Okay, I understand he's mad and possibly doesn't wana be with me, but the least he can do is be nice to me. Nothing I say is right. He says he still wants to talk & everything, but every time we talk it seems like he'd rather be doing something else.

Man. All this writing was a waste of time, because even though I just wrote 95867 words about Alavi & I, I still can't get the right message acrossed. It doesn't sound the way I want, and it doesn't say everything I want to say. But like I said in the very first sentence .. I can't even put into words how I really feel. I love him more than anything, and for him to just jump down my throat for no reason at all, and completely change his feelings for me in a matter of seconds for just some random unknown reason, and then continue to fight with me and just be down right mean to me really hurts. And now I feel like things'll never be the same with us. Which hurts even more. I can't do anything other than cry, especially when I talk to him. But I think that just makes matters worse because I can tell it bugs him and it pisses me off because then I feel like some pathetic little girl. I just dk what to do anymore. I dk how much more I can take :(

Maybe crying is a means of cleaning yourself out emotionally. Or maybe it's your communication of last resort; the only way to express yourself when words fail the same as when you were a baby and had no words. -Aristotle.

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 04:18:05 GMT

Why is it that everything you want causes drama? I mean, I know you're supposed to work for it. Put in your blood, sweat, & tears .. but why does it have to cause DRAMA? It makes me not want it anymore. It makes me not want him anymore.

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 22:39:14 GMT

Too lazy to update this thing.

I miss Alavi. I wish he hadn't moved to Texas :(((

Would it be B.e.A.u.T.i.F.u.L, or just a B.e.A.u.T.i.F.u.L DiSASTER¿*

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 02:29:05 GMT

So I think it's weird & kind of funny when you just stop caring. I care about art. That's about it. Nothing else. All my other classes can go to hell, as have most of my relationships w/ my "friends." Oh well, who cares. Only about 19 more months on this hell-hole 'N I'm outa here !!

So I spent the last two days w/ Tiffany. We had fun. On Thursday we went to Halloween Horror Nights 'N screamed our heads off. It was kinda lame though. Not many people were there walking around, and the lines to get into E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.i.N.G were 90 minutes or longer. In about the time of 3 hours we'd went into one house and rode the mummy. Lame? Yes, I think so. My mom went on the mummy though. I'd never been on it so I didn't know it was that bad. Haha, the whole time I was thinking "Oh shit, my mom's gona kill me." Haha. She said she thought she was dying . That's my mom for ya. Anyway, after HHN we went back to my house and just did nothing until ... I dk, really late at night. Then we did a whole lot of nothing the next day. We made cookies, but that's about it. They're really good :)! We went to some festival thingy at Magnolia Park w/ her family later on in the day though. It was alright, we got candy, so we were happy. And we got to jump in the bounce-y house thing.

I was gona go to the beach w/ her today, but I took my very first SAT test & didn't get out on time. They were leaving at 12 & I didn't get out of the test it's self until 1. LAAME!* Eh, oh well. I don't have a feeling at all about my SAT. I'm kind of numb about it actually. I guess I'll just have to wait for my scores and see. I hope I did really well, because I don't wana take it again. Even though I know I'm going to need to if I wana get into a good college. I know it's early and I'm only a junior, but I just really wana get out of this stupid town.

My parents keep calling me short every time they drive one of the cars after I've driven it. Apparently I have the seat WAYY up from where either of them have it? I dk, I didn't think I was .t.h.a.t short. But I dk, I guess I am? 5'4 - 5'5? Is that short? I dk. I can't decide on what kind of car or truck to get either. I have to help pay for insurance (My mom's trying to teach me "financial responsibilty," wtf) so it can't be some little sporty thing. I like cars because I feel like I have more control when I'm driving, especially if I'm going fast. But I like trucks because they're big 'N can do more than cars can (4-wheel drive 'N such). So, I just dk. There's too many choices out there.

We switched from AOL to Road Runner because AOL went out of buisness now or something. My new email address is breakdancenothearts@cfl.rr.com. I like it :) Break Dance not hearts.

I think I'm rambling. I really can't tell ://

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 21:46:56 GMT

I dropped AP English yesterday. I start my new class on Monday. I'm kinda nervous. I went to the gym today. It was alright. It kinda gave me a headache though. Like everything else seems to do anymore :\\ This kidd in Ms. Ratcliff's 3rd pd (the class I'm student assistant for) asked if I wanted to hangout on Sunday. He's kind of a dork, but .. It might be fun. I dk, I havn't decided yet.

My dad's mad at me because I don't wana leave the house and go to Burger King. I want him to bring it home from work. WTF. Ugh, guys !!

H.i.G.h.S.c.H.o.O.L = DRAMA* stress 'N bUlLsHiT !!

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 23:49:45 GMT

Sometimes I feel like there isn't enough time in the day, even though if I wasn't such a huge procrastinator, there would be. I'm just so stressed out right now that it's frikken *INSANE !! I have so much school work and homework to do that it's impossible to even breathe. I'm already behind in two of my classes and it's only the first nine weeks. My AP English class makes me wana shoot myself in the head, and my geometry class is just L.a.M.e. I hate waking up and going to school in the morning. I'm so stressed that the thought of dropping out has come to my mind on numerous occasions the past few days, even though I know I'd never be able to live with myself if I did. I'm always having panic attacks and nervous break downs. I'm a huge wreck and I dk what to do with myself. No matter how much sleep I do or don't get, I'm ALWAYS* tired. ALWAYS. And I'm sick all the time. At the moment it's these itchy red things on my stomach and feeling dizzy all the time. Last week it was a 24/7 headache and muscle pains. I'm just not doing well this year at all. And all this gets me to thinking though .. If I can't even handle a highschool workload like this, how am I going to pull off a double major in college? I don't think I'm going to be able to. And it's not even just school that's making me feel like this, it's everything. I'm getting so I don't wana be around people at all. Anyone. My friends, my family, my sisters/best friends ever. All I wana do is watch TV with my stuffed animals and sleep. I don't wana see my friends at school, Michael, my mom, my sisters, anyone. I don't wana talk to anyone, or anything. I just wana be left completely alone. I just don't even wana exist anymore. I don't wana be here. I wana go somewhere that no one knows me, no one'll be watching me, hoping for me to fail. They won't know me. I'll just be invisible or something. No people, no work, no nothing. If I had it my way, I'd be laying in bed right now in my nice, comfy PJs w/ my stuffed animals watching SEX & THE CITY ♥ reruns until I fall asleep instead of writing this between my pages and pages of questions about Charles Darwin and evolution for AP Enironmental Science and my Analytic essay and critial reveiw papers on "Their eyes were watching god" for AP English Lang. All I've done since school started is be stressed out, and have panic attacks & nervous breakdowns. I can't even drop my AP classes because then I'll feel worse because I'll feel like I'm letting myself down. I just dk what to do anymore :(

Open your heart.

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 14:24:49 GMT

I just found out my friend (who shall remain nameless) likes me. He's kinda .. I dk the word for what to call him. I guess ghetto works? He's always telling me about smoking weed, 'N he's always buying weed, 'N always gona go jump someone w/ his friends. He's really sweet, 'N funny, 'N a great guy .. Except for those things right there. It kinda pisses me off because he has such great potential to be this amazing guy, but he ruins it w/ smiking weed 'N wanting to jump everyone. I think it's just a facade, 'N now that I know he likes me, maybe I can get to know the guy behind the mask :)

Pajama day. You can't really see my PJs though :(

Damian. I dk what day that was.

Wacky tacky day.

Taylor 'N I.

Damian on wacky tacky day.

Tiffany on black 'N gold day.

Mr. J stole Tiff's mask 'N my hat.

Silly boys.

In the car.

Homecomming game.

Apopka won. I think. :(

:\\

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 22:18:38 GMT

I got a pedicure a little less than a month ago, & I guess they didn't do a very good job because a little while after I got it, my toes got kinda sore. And now they look super infected 'N it hurts to walk. So my mom took me to the doctor today .. I have a dramatafite (sp?). Yakno, the Digger guy on TV commercials. Ugh. She gave me some kind of perscription.

My sissy normally does my pedicures because 1. It's free, 'N 2. She gives me better pedicures than anyone! And the one time I actually go to the salon because she's busy I get a bug. Ugh, who the hell actually gets the infections people say come along with pedicures? Oh yeah, me. Ha. Lovely.

I'm hungry. I wish my stuffed crust cheese pizza would get here! I wonder if my mom ordered bread sticks, too .. I know she got wings.

Edit:
AANNDD .. Michael 'N I were arguing last night (I dk why I put up with it, we broke up weeks ago) 'N he was throwing all this stuff about Ashdizzle in my face because he gets to talk to her more than I do 'N she's supposed to be one of my best friends. Seriously, wtf. Of course he gets to talk to her more, HE HAS A FRIKKEN CLASS WITH HER !! Ugh! I'm trying so hard to make this friendship work but he just won't let me. He keeps screwing up 'N doing stupid things 'N lying to me 'N breaking promises 'N thinking he's all cool. Where does he get the nerve to lie to me 'N break those promises? And it isn't even like I asked him to make me those promises, he made them on his own. So it isn't like I forced him. So they're all his words 'N his ideas then he goes back on them. Why do guys have to be such asses? I just want him to respect me !!

&& Now I'm *G0ne !!

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 22:44:47 GMT

Ahah, Michael thinks he can lie to me 'N get away w/ it. WTF is he thinking? Pfft, loser. NO ONE lies to me 'N gets away w/ it. Whatever, I'm so gone. I've been gone. He's really rather pathetic. First he lies about being with another girl (even calls me on her cellphone), then lies about where he got his money, about buying me all these flowers, 'N about who gave him a ride to my house to give me the flowers.. Amoung many other things. I'm seriously just DONE.

Angela's slowly moving up in Cord's top 8 on his myspace. Hmm. I know she likes him. Hell, that slut likes EVERYONE. Especially if I like them. She can have him though. I really don't care. Her homecomming dress is UGLY&* anyway. I wana go now just to show her up ;) I know that's mean, but she just really pisses me off. I dk who she thinks she is! Ugh.